I have always been a thinker. I'm wrapped up in my head a lot of times thinking about everything. Now, I'm not exactly sure if this is a good thing. I know someone have said that overthinking will kill you, but I like thinking and analysing things. I always try to understand how things come about and delve deeper to where some people may not even bother knowing about. Anyway, that's not exactly what I want to express for today. Lately I have been thinking whether I am living my life to the fullest. To say it simply, I am feeling inadequate. I feel like I should be doing something significant, or I'm worried that I'm missing out on something. SOMETHING. And that I do not know.
I am my own harshest critic. For some reason I tend to always criticise myself according to the negatives. According to the things that I haven't done instead of what I have, and the worst thing of all, I compare my self to others. This is when the insecurities cave in. I'm not doing my self any good. I am indirectly hurting my self and making my own evil. I know it's not good, and I have finally come to terms with my self. I have decided, that in this new year 2016, I would be kinder.
Kinder which means I would not compare my life to others. I have learned to accept we all have different walks in life. Each person going at their own pace, some quicker and some taking more time. We all are going through different obstacles so comparing my page 1 to other's page 10 will not be right. Just because people have achieved something in their 20s, doesn't mean I should also be doing the same.
I will be kind to my self by accepting me and doing me. I have finally understood the cliche everyone always says. "Be yourself." I realised I am so much happier whenever I don't try to be someone else. I won't pressure myself by trying to portray a persona that I think people will like more and gain me more "friends". True friends will have to do with how I really am, nothing more, nothing less.
I will be kind to myself by taking things slowly. I always stress out because I would always want to do everything at the same time, which is actually impossible. It goes like this: I would want to get Firsts in my classes and at the same time have a good social life and a lot of sleep. While doing that, I would set targets to save this much amount of money by the end of the year, so I will work my butt of doing a part-time job. On top of that, I also would like to pursue my hobbies and passion like photography and blogging. And even more on top of that, I wish to learn more skills and volunteer. and go on adventures and travel the world. Whew! I'm exhausted after writing that. So, I will be kind to myself by focusing and prioritising the most important thing NOW.... which is sleep. I'm kidding. I have come to terms that I do not have to achieve all my goals and all my dreams now. Everything has its own time, and everything will fall into place eventually.
I will be kind to myself by accepting that it's okay to fail and feel sad. By taking long baths and having enough sleep. By taking in every moment and not taking things for granted. To be happy in the most simplest things and pursue what makes me happy. I have accepted that living life to the fullest may mean different things to everyone and just because I live life different from others does not mean I've lived mine less. For me, I will live my life to the fullest by not regretting anything knowing that I've grabbed every opportunity and I gave it my best. I gave it my best to love the people who matter to me most, to make them happy or be an inspiration to at least one person. Living life to the fullest is having faith and not giving up. It is being able to laugh, to see the world, to feel, to take risks and being content and happy in my own ways without the validation of others.
It is so much easier said than done, but getting to realise all these is I think a one step forward.